Keep ready again

Ready to be alone, with me, but it can't happen, until he moves, I think he really believes I don't really want him to go, but I do, and I'm not sorry about it.  I will be there for him, making sure he's alright but not every single day.  I need space, and I will get it. It's $60 I need to get him into his house, I went over there today, I wanted to move him in today, the house was cool inside, I thought it would be hot, but it wasn't, and with the windows opened it was even cooler, than my apartment, I have to keep the air off here because he be to cold, we just run the ceiling fans.  First picture is of my doll house kitchen, the next is Mr.A went he was doing better, before strokes or heart attacks.

Giving up one dream for another

I tried not very hard to sell something I made, but no one was buying so I gave it away, hoping that it would be appreciated. I decided to not make it anymore, or least for a long time. I need to make some money, and I make things all the time just can't seems to sell anything these days, Maybe everybody is just trying to just buy basic things, don't have money for crafts. I understand. I'm feeling better these days, not worrying about what I can't do. Me and my friend are still friends, and get along alright for now, while we wait on him to get into his place, and it may take four to five months, unless someone helps us with the bill.  I am not going to ask anyone else for money, it's making me feel bad, every time I do this. So we will work it out or continue to stay together. I believe we can both handle this, one way or the other.

family Not

Mr. A family members came over yesterday, everyone had somethings to say, about how I was handling things, but no one had been here to help and no one gave any money to help. So I say what's up with that.  I can now speak in my home and no one can say get out, feels good.  Well I'm loving myself,  Loving my God, Jesus and believing in that if you work hard it will be so.  The landowner of his house is trying to work with me but I think he might give the house to someone who can pay all their bills. Than we are back to the drawing board.

Well take a look at my art.

Working It Out!

Walked from my house to down town to the Library and the store, and back, what a work out I did.  I am proud of myself  I was sweating a lot and glad because it takes a lot for me to sweat. I had to get out of the house it's like been in the house with a person who is not even there, I mean he hardly ever  talk to me, he just sit on the sofas and watches TV like it's the most important thing in his life.  I told him that I have to cut the cable off soon I hate that he's in love with it but I have to pay my bills, like rent and light bill.  I had already plan to cut it, I just though that  he would have already moved by now, but since he have to pay down his bill  before he moves, He will be here until than or until I  find away for to pay his bill,  Believe me I wish I could pay for his old bill so he can go on and move, I'm ready to be By My Self.

Catlion9.blogspot.com: Rock Waves

Catlion9.blogspot.com: Rock Waves: "I knew but didn't know, that what's going on with my relationship, is effecting my grown children lives, in away, that isn't good, for their..."

Rock Waves

I knew but didn't know, that what's going on with my relationship, is effecting my grown children lives, in away, that isn't good, for their relationship, now or ever. My son was here, earlier today, and I as  usually do, tell how I feel about things, I was going on about how I want to be alone and that Mr. A is mean to me, and I'm doing all I can for him, and he just don't act like he cares on way or the other.  My son just said, I see one on your problems is that you say what you think, without thinking about how others will take it. He said this because I was saying this while Mr. A. was sitting there. I thought I need to stop and think before I say anything against his Dad, in from of him, I was thinking that he's 27 years old he can take it, or he knows me, I have always said what I think, I mean I say the good the bad and all right  to a person's face, think nothing of it but it's the true feelings I have, thought that wouldn't you want to hear the truth, or not. He said, I love you both, I don't want to hear you talking to each other that way, so I'm going to remember what my son has told me and be more respectable around him and others.  God be with me.

The picture is a Quilt I am working on for my sister.

Trying and learning God;s plan

I thought that today would be the day, Mr. A. get to move in his own place, but no found out he owe an old bill and have to pay down more than we got to get his lights on, so I'm begging people so he can move in at lease by next month, which is alright, just isn't what I have planed.  He seems a little up-set about not much, not like me, who had to keep it together at the JEA, because it just seemed so unfair. But it's apart of life, and I have to roll with the punches, and get back up and fight. I just have to make another plan.

Well here's a picture I drew of Nelly.

Well today Mr. A paid his rent and tomorrow he will get his lights on, and after that he will be moving, he is just as happy as I am, we finally agree on something, to bad it had to be separating from each other.  I believe it's a good thing for both of us. It's working out great.  I couldn't find my younger son today, couldn't get in touch with him and I freaked completely out, started crying and everything, after I had called, his job, his sister and him ten or more times, finally his job gave me a  number to reach him, he had called them, I was so happy to know that he had called them to give me a number where he could be reached, this meant he was alright. I would be such a mess if I lost anyone of my children.  He said as soon as he answered the phone, "Mom I am alright," those words calmed me down to my toes, I could than breathe.  Well he had to sell his phone to pay an important bill, and his car needed fixing, so he was depending on his cousin Pig to get around.   I had worried his sister so I text her back to tell her the good news, so she wouldn't worry anymore.  Like I was saying to Mr. A. that's one thing some people don't do, they will call and tell you something had gone wrong but forget to call back and inform you that is no longer the case, so you can know what happened.

Anyway here's another picture I drew long ago, hope someone likes it.

Having fun with art

I'm happy today, I went to see my counselor, at pathway, she listens to me go on, and on about my life.  I love it, some one is paid to listens to me. Since I don't have any friends, and Mr. A has stopped talking to me, he only say as little as possible to me, so I will shut-up. He can't wait to be away from me, and I feel the same, no anger on my side, I haven't a clue how he feels, he acts like he don't feel anything, but he did say the other day he would be happy when he moves. So maybe he either angry at me or tried of me, I don't really care.  My son Anthony has been a great help to me these days, helping me and Mr. A, they love each other as father and son, no respect lost their between the two.

Ok here's more on my drawings, hope some one likes them.

Breathing Fresh Air

I feel good today my check came I paid my important bills, even got Bubba's med's for him, and no he don't appreciate it.   Now I hope and pray his check come so he came go on and move in his new place, and he can't wait either. Told me the other day he was tried of me, and wish he was already in is place.  I told him I'm not even mad or sad about that statement, but I'm glad, even happy for him to be gone, still  friends we are. I will help him as much as I can, but never will we be anything but friends.

Here's another drawing I did, of a real man from one of my National Geographic books.